in conversation

khamosh zubaani

2008-06-14T23:47:00.005+05:30

kuch hai nayi aur kuch puraani,
kehte gaye jo, sunte rahe woh
khamosh zubaani

chalte kadam, khushiya au' gham
sab hi chode hai;
har gulliyon ke kisi kone se
yeh raste mode hai;
reth pe jo hai ek woh nishaani,
kehte gaye jo, sunte rahe woh
khamosh zubaani

simti hui neendo talle
kuch sapne bo'te hai,
sapno mein bhi aasu kahi
har zakhm ke khote hai;
sach bhi nahi aksar har kahaani,
kehte gaye jo, sunte rahe woh
khamosh zubaani

my enso...for now

2008-05-28T00:42:00.005+05:30

What is creativity?
What is inspiration?
What is this journey on which you have set yourself into?
What are the goals you wish to see?
What are the destinations you wish to reach?
What are the answers you seek to search through these questions?

Questions...and more questions...and more yet to come...

When I was 5, I had a dream of becoming the next Superman! I had a wish to fly in the sky and save all the people who needed help. A few years later, I realized, the one person who needed help the most was myself. Help yourself first...however you want to do that! For some it comes by solely being selfish and fulfilling your dreams. For a few others, it comes by putting the people in front of you at the help list and have smiles reach their faces...it helps them once they see that...social workers? Well, aren't we all social workers in some way or the other?!

Just keep helping is what I realized. And by help, I do not mean favoring anybody! By help, I mean to be selfish and find means in which you can make yourself smile in a way that you are not the only one in a group of 5 who does so...because trust me in that case, your smile is a temporary one! Go out and make that a permanent one...if possible, reach that principle out to as many possible.

When I turned 13, I wanted to become a filmmaker. My Dad thought it was just a fancy that a young useless goalless kid of his has caught hold to! Honestly, I wonder why...but it never really bothered me as to whether he took me seriously or not. Probably, because I was way too serious about myself! This was what I wanted to do. This was what I wanted my life to see...me becoming a film maker! Set the frames well, script the words and bind my story having various characters...who are those characters - I had no clue! Probably, I still don't! But, I do know even 10 years later that...they exist...and they will take birth...soon!:) So, simply go out and live your dreams!

Now, about the initial questions...lets take it one by one -

Q1 - What is creativity? -
Can you answer this first - has it come from creation or has creation been delivered from it? Probably, when you get to answer this question, you would know what creativity is too!

Q2 - What is inspiration? -
When was the last time you felt something different in you but yet felt that the feeling is so you? When did you feel that you wanted to just keep walking and observing and seeing and realizing and yet keep walking? When you realize the meaning of Jayesh Bhai's definition to
"WALK" (W = Witness, A= Accept, L=Love, K=Know)...or rather have your own definitions to your vocabulary, I guess you will realize what inspiration is. Once again, I have re-defined my vocabulary (which keeps changing...and I'm glad it does!) and probably thus I'm writing this to you!

Q3 - What is this journey on which you have set yourself into? -
Trust me, its beautiful. Don't really ask much...you will realize and know it yourself once you know that you have started your journey!:)

Q4 - What are the goals you wish to see? -
If you know this, let me know...as I would love to share mine too just as I did in the first two phrases. I guess for now my answer to this would just be what you wish to see yourself to do in the frames that set the reels of your life...

Q5 - What are the destinations you wish to reach? -
Begin the walk...when you realize your journey has begun...you will realize your destinations too!

Q6 - What are the answers you seek to search through these questions? -
You ask a lot...which is not bad...so, you will find your answers. I say this because you have your questions...and questions come with answers...we just need to find them ourselves...which I'm sure we all will when we have finished solving them all. And how do we solve them? ...well, I like this circle...probably go back to Q1 and continue...

Leaving you with this enso of life...

till later...

kuch haseen khwaab

2008-05-16T04:43:00.009+05:30

kuch haseen khwaabon se
dil ke saaye hai,
tujhse milke aaj yeh
phir se chaaye hai...

woh din bhar sawaalo ke
jawaabon se khayaalon tak,
jo tum hume le chale,
andhero se mashaalo tak,
har pal mein jeeya har jazba
is rishte ne dohraaya hai...
kuch haseen khwaabon se...

tujhe na dhoondu main kahi,
pukaaru na gully gully;
sab soche yeh kaisi dilkashi
is hijr mein, ankahee;
yeh pyaar ki jo sau baatein
subeh, dopar, au' raatein
is duniya ko, sabhi ko,
aur kin lafzon mein samjhaaye hai...
kuch haseen khwaabon se...

chalte, raah par kabhi
yeh pal agar mile tumhe
uthaa lo tum inhe sabhi,
jo inki baatein bhi sune
hai faasle bhi darmiyaan,
kuch yaadein bhi muskaaye hai...
kuch haseen khwaabon se...

ijaazat

2008-04-27T00:56:00.004+05:30

guzare mukammal ehsaaso se
na beete hai woh lamhe,
beeti adhoori baaton se
na jeete hai woh sapne;

ek woh din tha jab saari hawaayein
humaare pyaar ki dastaan gungunaati thi,
ek yeh din hai jab saare shaam-o-saher
gumsum se baithe hai ek kone mein;
lehron talle kadam badhte hai re'th par,
lekin peeche mudkar chode nishaano ko
dekhne ki hasrat nahi hai palti;
raahon mein guzare manzil shaayad apne hi the,
guzar gaye,
hum chup rahe;
bas ek lafz ki kami thi us lamhe mein,
tumne kadam aage badhaaye,
main dekhta raha;
tumne shaayad chaaha ki ek sparsh tumhe roke,
main rukta raha;

ajeeb kashmakash se bhari hai yeh zindagi -
bujhti nahi jab dhua bhi khatam hone ko hai,
par, tamannaye paani mein bulbule bankar phir tairne ko nikle hai;
main is pal jo idhar hoon khara,
karu kya?
kambakhth, yeh mohabbat hai jo bichadti hi nahi;
kii to thi maine bhi laakh koshish
tumhe bhulaane ko, tumhe mitaane ko,
to phir, kyon woh saare manzar
dobaara is zehn mein halki si haseen paate hai?
kyon woh saare vaade
in hoton par ek dafa phir gaate hai?
yeh kaisa maraasim hai -
na aage badta hai, na peeche mudna chaahta hai

mukammal ehsaaso se
beete lamhe shaayad ab bhi vahi khade hai;
adhoori baatein shaayad
aaj sapne poore karne ko chale hai;
ek halki si muskuraahat namn aankhon mein bhi
kitni haseen lagti hai,
in lamho se dekho zaraa;
ek mehki si sarsaraahat jhuke hue shaakhon mein bhi
kitni rangeen lagti hai,
in jazbo se poocho zaraa;
yeh saare din shaayad gine nahi the maine,
tumhe aaj dekhkar, ginne ki khwaaish bhi nahi;
do kadam ki doori par jo aaj khadi ho tum,
na ek bhi kadam ab peeche badhaana;
jo lafzon ko dhoondte hai honth aaj humaare,
is khamoshi mein hi tum sab samajh jaana;

ek choti si ijaazat maangta hoon main tumse -
woh mohabbat ab talak bichdi nahi hai humse,
bichadne bhi mat dena...

complete?

2008-04-15T22:16:00.006+05:30

What does it take to be complete?

Does anybody have the answer? How many of us feel complete? We have the richest of cars, the best of houses, people to walk with us...yet do we feel complete?

I do not feel complete. I stay in a house where I hardly meet Mom & Dad. My sister and I hardly have a relation close to what it usually is defined to be. We hardly interact. Dad, I'm sure, wants me to live the life that he had always dreamed of whenever he did. But, I'm sure he is beginning to get a clue that his son has begun dreaming too! About Mom, I really don't know what to say. I guess every son loves his Mom the most...however indescribable the relation might be. We are a "family" of 4 living in this great locality of this city. Each of us has our own rooms and each (atleast me) has created a part of his/her world in their respective rooms.

Lately, I've felt a difference...in myself. I've felt lonely. I've felt the need to expand my world. People will say...it will with time, with time things settle etc...but I really feel the need...strongly. Have you ever imagined how it would be in vacuum? Have you ever imagined how it would be if you were left alone in a place where there is absolutely no smell of any kind, no taste of any sort, no sight to go beyond? Why have I begun feeling so?

If I want, I can have everything! I have always believed in living the moment...and more in loving it! I love this moment. I love being alive. I love breathing these thoughts. I love everything. Yet, there is something missing that I quest. There is something that I seek to explore beyond this height that has been mentioned to me as the highest. Is that justified? Am I too?

What is the circle beyond geometries? What are the words beyond dialects? Whom are we stopping? And why are drawing the restrictions? Can we take the step ahead of the finishing line? Does it really matter if you are the first in the race? Isn't it worth just exploring?

I love this moment where I get to think. I do not want to be happy all the time...neither do I want to be sobbing often! I do not want to hate people...neither do I want to love them all. I do not want to be a Gandhi...neither do I want to be Adolf. But, what I do want to do is explore these thoughts that are taking the steps with me. I feel lonely today...I love it! I feel content tomorrow...I admire it. I feel empty and restless the day after...I accept it!

I guess that is what it all boils down to...acceptance. Acceptance to the fact that life is beyond geometrical figures and Aristotle thoughts. Life is beyond the highest peaks and the deep blue skies. Life is beyond completing the puzzles. Life is beyond the crowds, the solitude and the faces you live with. Life is where you accept it all and walk ahead. Life is where your thoughts smile with you even when you aren't. Life is where you step ahead and look back and keep writing the next chapters. Life is where you want it to be. After all, it is the writers who ultimately script the characters...

...and tell me, had life been complete, would you need these writers?

2008-03-19T03:11:00.001+05:30

When is it that you feel content even on losing?
When is it that you feel happy to be unhappy?
When is it that you feel full with nothing?
When is it that you feel famous when you are unknown?

When is it that you get your signals to walk ahead?
When is it that you get your tickets to travel across?
When is it that you get your reasons to all the queries?
When is it that you get your answers to live the moments?

When is it that you know that you are not surprised?
When is it that you know that you need to smile?
When is it that you know that you have it all to climb the peak?
When is it that you know that you have seen no stranger in your reflections?

When is it that you have stopped masking your soul?
When is it that you have outcropped the images beyond imaginations?
When is it that you have let yourself run ahead of boundaries?
When is it that you have created a new world within your new vacuum?

When is it that you post yourself just as you wanted to?
When is it that you make the second that you always wanted to have?
When is it that you would live a whole life in the present one moment?
When is it that you silence all the faces and just word every breath in your own dialect?

empty

2008-02-18T00:35:00.010+05:30

Ever wondered what dreams are made of? Ever wondered why we aren’t ever satisfied even if we are completely filled with all that we’ve desired? Ever wondered why it so happens that we finish the circles but yet try and find some corners in this shape, which to the world is impossible?

Is it our apathy that keeps us a bit restless every moment or is it just being greedy that we desire for more…more than what we have…more than what we want…more than what we should stop at…

I’ve kept feeling restless lately. Honestly, I wonder why. I wonder what it is that keeps me in this state at least once a day. I’m enjoying spending time with myself. I enjoy staying alone. The drive back home in the nights really makes me smile. I do love a few people. I love them much more than what they can see from me. I don’t want them to know how much I love them. I want it to be a puzzle…a puzzle that can last a lifetime for them to realize…and maybe for me too. It scares me…to have them leave me. I’m scared of them going away from me. I’m scared of them forgetting me. Is it being childish or is it just my love and gratitude to them?

I’m tired of these chains holding me. I’m tired of these restrictions to do things. I’m tired of those worried looks at home waiting to see that graduation paper, someday! I’m tired to think of people all the time! I’m tired to think about myself after the first! I want to live for myself! Am I being selfish or is it just my love and passion towards my dreams? And, now, I smile and look back at the first three lines of this verse.

Perhaps, corners aren’t really possible to be found in a circle unless you draw a tangent to it! But, who made these rules? Who is the creator?

Perhaps the desire for fulfillment is much more exciting than fulfillment itself! But, when do I know that it is fulfillment that I have reached? When do I know that my desires are at rest? Who makes the rules? Who is the creator? And, about my dreams…I’m yet to answer the question…

Are my dreams made of me, or am I made of them? Who has the rules? Who is the creator?

2008-01-04T01:47:00.001+05:30

kai kehte hai

tujhse milke zara khud ko badla hai maine;

kai sehte hai

itni saari baatein, ki pehle na kabhi kaha hai maine;

yeh jo chalta hoon aaj in musukuraahato ke saath,

kai mod the pehle bhi, par khud ko na aaj roka hai maine;

jeene se pehle marne ka khauff sabhi mein palta hai

kuch dino se kai baar jeena seekha hai maine;

sheesho ke mehel dilchasp to the pehle se,

sheesho se tera chehra aksar yaha se guzarte, dekha hai maine;

zikr tanhaai ka jab hota hai, khamosh sa chala jaata hoon us mehfil se,

khud ki parchaaiyo mein tere saayo ko pehchaana hai maine;

tujhe shaayad yeh yaad bhi nahi ki tune aisa hai kya kiya,

saari khalaao ki azeem-e-noor kuch de'r se paaya hai maine;

tujhse shaayad yeh na bhi izhaar kar paau kabhi,

par tere hi sang rehne ki har dua us khuda ko dohraaya hai maine...

beginning

2007-11-04T00:07:00.000+05:30

So, last week, Sheetal stayed back at my place. I was way beyond glad. I love conversing with him. There is some kind of unknown magic in the way he expresses. Undoubtedly, Madhu & Sheetal have a very special place stored for them within me! I guess, not many get to be a gem and thus, we know their true value.

Since quite some time, Sheetal has been insisting that we should watch "the Secret". I had read the book earlier and was impressed but undoubtedly, the film has left me speechless. It has indeed brought out a small change in me. It is growing, and I can sense that!

I've been wondering since that day - what am I doing? Who am I?

On one hand, you need to believe that you are somebody. You are born for a reason...everybody is! On the other hand, you tend to realise, where is that reason that you need to bring out in the public? Things happen for a reason. But, you cant wait till they do, supposedly! You can make them happen and then await the reasons, I guess! I wonder, who are we? When this thought is voiced, friends, strangers, audience get ready to point fingers and say, "What a bore! You've become old!" I still wonder, who I am! For some, I may be a funny, witty fellow who really doesn't like seeing people being off...it puts me off! For some, I may be a rich brat (Dad would kill me!). For some, I would be a complete manager...for a few others, I would be a thorough PR guy. For some, I would be a really loyal friend...always there for others...anytime any place...for some, I would be an annoying guy filled with attitude in loads! For some, I might be interesting...for many, I might be boring! Many hate me for the person I am...a few love me, just the way I do too! Hmmmm...so whom does that leave me to be, finally? I'm equally clueless! I guess I'm just me! I have a few aims and goals in life...I want to achieve them. I love a few people in life...I want to be with them. I admire a few people in life...I want to become like them! All I'm hoping is, I'm just on the right path...walking a few steps ahead, towards all of them!

Its taken Dad 5 full years to get convinced that the lens is what interests me and makes me go in a totally different world! I'm just happy and thankful. Mom knows I'll do something in life...she knows is just the way I do! I dont have much time with me, although they say life is long. But, I guess, I just want to be fast!

Many of them, whom I admire really dont know about my love for them. I just hope, it remains this way, to be honest! "the Secret" is what has inspired me to do a lot! As a start, I'm returning back to expressing myself, once again, through words! Hope, the start doesn't end soon! I had big plans for this blog, for a start...I guess, I just needed that inspiration!

"frames" is what it would be called! And, you would know about it soon... I'm launching "frames" today, as it happens to be an important and special day!!:)

I'm back to "wireless communications" as of now...viva on Monday! Cant crib saying that I hate it...I have to do it!

ise dhalne na do

2007-10-13T22:39:00.000+05:30

Udne lage hai saare par khwaab ke,

Hakeekat hai saamne meri aankhon ke;
Reth pe dikhe nishaan the chode jo kal ke,
Ajab si hai yeh dhadkane inhi rishto ke;
Khanke khanke choodiya hai,
Mitne ko ab dooriya hai,
Saare gham au’ saare shikve
Lagte hai ab nipte nipte
Shab ki pehli shaam hai yeh
Ise dhalne na do…

Jis mod par the hum tum mile,
Us mod par chode, gul hai khile
Masoom hai, hairaan bhi;
Maloom hai, anjaan bhi;
Chalke chalke rang se hai,
Bechaini mein dang se hai;
Ashqein, khushiyaa aur sapne
Mujhse hai sab lipte lipte,
Shab ki pehli shaam hai yeh,
Ise dhalne na do…

Khamoshiyo se kehti sadaayein
Madhoshiyon mein rehti adaayein
Muskaati hai, sharmaati bhi
Dohraati hai, ghabraati bhi
Halke halke pal khile hai
Khoye se jo kal mile hai
Nazrein, ghadiyaa aur rishtey
Pal ko saare hai simte simte
Shab ki pehli shaam hai yeh
Ise dhalne na do…

wajood

2007-10-13T22:13:00.000+05:30

aksar lamho mein ulajhta hoon main,
kuch jawaabon mein sualajhta hoon main;
sheeshon mein khud ko dhoondu main jab,
khud ki parchaaiyon se poochta hoon main -
aaj to jee utha hai tu,
aaj to jee raha hai tu,
sach yeh bata, tu hai kaun?

...she, whose silence speaks

2007-08-11T01:51:00.001+05:30

“Within me,

The silence of derailed trains

Distant rumble of a
Gathering storm

Foreboding of unsettling winds
Traces of unmarked wanderings”

At times, when you meet a few people, you realize that you have a lot in life that you can do…that you have a lot more people who can inspire you…that you have a lot new chapters in life that you need to write.

At times, you do meet a few people who are different, who inspire you to be different…to be just a step ahead of the rest.

I met one such lady today. An actor to the daily crowd, a painter to a few who know her, a photographer to her interests, and an explorer of life to herself, perhaps!

I got to know about my meeting with her late last night from Ashokeji. I was not really over-excited, although I’ve always appreciated and admired her works on celluloid. I guess you feel the worth of something precious, only when you see it! That is precisely what happened today when I met her.

An artiste – she truly defines; an apartment – she surely refines. The walls of her house surround a huge open space that exhibits creativity even as they remain empty. I guess, with the presence of a few people, their surroundings get the fortune of borrowing their features.

Throughout our conversations, all that stood out was her silence. She listened patiently to what we said. She spoke a bit, and again listened patiently to what was being explained. I often wondered if actors were as striking as they looked on screen. My doubts vanished today. The eyes that could capture the mind of any soul on screen are indeed way more powerful in real life.

As soon as our meeting got over, I couldn't stop from telling people about this brilliant human whom I had met today. A few might have understood, a few might have ignored, but all I know is what I felt as I sat and interacted for 30 minutes with a lady, who speaks a thousand words with her silence; a lady who is much more than just being an artiste; a lady who lives life in the search of existence.

Europe Journals

2007-07-23T03:34:00.001+05:30

a moment

I would've come here for a wish
that could become true;
I would've got lost in this world
that is so free and so new;
I would've seen beyond things
that look so acute;
I would've re-written
this unforgotten route;
But the question does remain
and is pretty quiet -
Do I want things
to be easy and so right?
I am just waiting all through this
and living all these moments,
I am not wishing any wish today
by throwing these little cents;
Life is beautiful just the way it is!

I'm going to be free
and just live it...just be...
I don't need a wish for you
or a cent or destiny;
All we need is a moment,
a moment from life
where you will see
the love;
the love that stays in me...

- 22nd July, 2007, 20:33hrs
Trevi Fountain, Rome

Europe Journals

2007-07-06T17:54:00.001+05:30

Amsterdam

It is the city of the red light district. It is the city of the amazingly tasty french fries. It is indeed the city showcasing dutch beauty in humans. It is very aptly known as one of the most colorful cities in the world.

I walked out of the Central station at 13:00hrs. As a trademark, the trams were busy finding their routes among the large number of people of all races walking as one big group together. As soon as the signal turns green, people cross the roads and disperse in their respective directions. I did the same.

I was here about 5 times last year. I didn't want to spend time in the museums this time. I wanted to shop. Taking a quick glance at all the souvenirs, and not getting excited by them this time, I walk straight to C&A - my favorite store in Europe. I pick up one, then two, then three, then four shirts and tell myself enough for now! I had not got the time to see the lane behind C&A last time. I decided to walk there this time. I enter "WE" and buy 3 more shirts! Am I a shopping freak or what? Maybe I am!

I walk and walk and walk and smile all throughout as I enjoy my walks. There is no reason you cannot smile. When you are shopping, you love the costs. When you are walking, you love the girls! I guess after the Italians, the Dutch ladies have the best features as far as looks go. As I continue my walks through the streets and the shops, I remind myself that I had forgotten to have Lunch. I quickly stop at a MacD and order the menu I have been craving for way back in India - Chicken Nuggets...I love them! By the time, I was ready to move out of MacD, the rains were happily willing to accompany me in large numbers. I decide to enter C&A for escaping from them and letting myself alone. C&A is so not the place to go to when you have money but dont want to spend it. It changes your mind in the initial few minutes! I now try out the jackets and happily buy one. Mom had given me a lot of coins of this country's currency which she had got with her. I count them like a good accountant and sweetly submit it at the counter. The dutch lady (very pretty and if I may say...ammm...hot) smiled and kindly began counting it too. Its a smart jacket and I happily begin to wear it.

As I enter the women's section to just check a few things out for my friend(s), I realise that I am BAD at this. I nicely and smartly decide to leave the place. As I walk the streets again, Mom gives me a call and asks me a question which really doesn't have an answer - "How can you just walk on the streets for 6hours?"

I don't know, Mom. It is fun on the streets of Amsterdam.

Despite staying in Mumbai for almost 18years now, I have hardly been a townie. My knowledge about Colaba etc is as good as I know Dutch now. But, the streets of Amsterdam are similar to the ones at Colaba. Mumbai, indeed, can be turned into a good tourist attraction if we are kind and practical enough about our dirt on the streets.

The watch freak that I am, it just excites me everytime I see a good design. I decide to buy a good black leather strapped watch with a black dial, that looks amazingly smart. Yes, the brand?
It looks nothing less than a Carrera...I don't remember the brand...Ok...fine...its a duplicate immitation of a Carrera with some other name but it costs just 10euros and it was so worth it!

I was pretty tired by now so decide to take the 2hour trip back to Hengelo, the city where I am put up for the coming 3 weeks. It isn't majorly different here from what we have back in our homeland, but still it makes you feel different. Why? You really can't say. Some would say because its cleaner...some would say because its prettier. But, our homeland is pretty too...as they say, its after all just a question of what your eyes want to see.